Enough Theology

Let me preface that this is a confession, and so it may be offensive, but the intent is not harm. Not harm to my self nor to others but rather to be transparent. I am constantly trying to rid my self of pride that centers on my own accomplishments. So here it goes...

Even though I've made a school career out of the subject matter its taken me a long time to reach just a little way, and even all of that is by the grace of God, and most especially in terms of my legalism. How I detest my religious inclinations some times, my pride says "so much to know about God, so much Theology" and the more I have- the prouder I get. The only thing I can really do with all that knowledge is compare it to others. Thats my weakness. What else don't I know? In what way can I extend my knowledge and speech about the unending mysteries of the God that made everything. If he made everything then, yeah, we should have a default inescapable knowledge of him: He who is everywhere, though... he might not be just anywhere.

I cant escape having a theology, as painful as the process can be some times, but there is something more that God wants from me. I say: "God is good, God is Great, God is powerful." God says: "...well yeah, uh huh that's obvious, but do you know me?" Ah, see Josh there is the difference between the apostles and the Pharasees, the difference between the Centurion and the Sadducees, between the sheep and the goats. Jesus doesn't say: "Away from me you never knew about me." He says "Away from me I never knew you." The son reveals him self to those he chooses - enter his gates with thanksgiving in your heart, Josh. That's what I need.

i confess this sin brothers and sisters, of being one who seeks to know about God for my own pride and power.

God doesn't want me to be Theologian so much. (everyone is a theologian)

God wants Theophilons. (friends of God)

Is that me? Am I a friend of God?

"For they are the kind of worshipers the father seeks, God is spirit and his worshipers must worship in spirit and in truth" John 4:23-24

and understanding is more...

"that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best..." Phil 1:9

because he said

"love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his masters business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I have learned from my father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I choose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit-fruit that will last. Then the father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other." John 15

I think God wants me to be a lover of him, a friend , not a knower of him.

If I must keep the vocalbulary of "Knowing" in this case "to know" should mean to love him- like in the strength of the verb as found in Hebrew: To know intimately.

Like to whom the book of Acts is written God wants those kind, seeks those kind.

Like Theophilus, Lord make me a Theophilon.


Thanks for listening to this long belated confession.