Cracks

Its been a while now.  We've nearly weathered the cold and frostbitten season of awkward newness,  slogging headstrong through the gales of doors frozen shut, schedules busier than elves on Christmas Eve, and grumpy, hibernating neighbors.  Its not just the cracks in the windows and draft through the door that left them bitter, but the enabling burden of stereotype, heaping hardships, and the occasional disability check.  But though those same rifts we will shout our introductions of grace, truth, hope, and love.  (If you've ever been door knocking, you might understand the humor here)

Now we stretch toward spring, a new season of life and love, green and growth.  Prayers become ever fervent and ideas sprout like we hope our community garden will, both socially and physically.

A new season hangs on the horizon.  Lingering.  Beckoning.  Pray with us for new life.

Teach me to pray

Prayer is, at the same time, the most frustrating and the most promising of the spiritual disciplines. Over the past several months, I have been trying to learn what it means to pray continually, and I have been pressing into contemplative prayer of the heart. So much of the time, it seems like I’m getting nowhere, like I’m banging into a brick wall; and yet, I have had just enough times of breakthrough – moments of transcendence when the things of earth do become strangely dim – that I know that prayer is also worth all the struggle because of the promise of intimacy that it holds.

With this heart and mind, and with these experiences, I read the words of John Cassian (4th-5th century monk) about a man of prayer, “He strives for unstirring calm of mind and for never-ending purity, and he does so to the extent that this is possible for human frailty." This vision of a life of prayer, of what it means to be a man of prayer, looks so different than my daily attempts to commune with God. ”Unstirring calm of mind” is a rare experience at best, and “never-ending purity” would make anyone who knows me very well laugh until they cried.

This is why the second half of his sentence is so important: “…he does so to the extent that this is possible for human frailty.” I don’t know if John was quite ready for the limits of my human frailty, which are pretty extreme, but I take some comfort in his pursuit of such a high ideal coupled with a comfortable recognition that most will find it very difficult to achieve.

The promise that prayer holds, the potential for the life of a disciple of Jesus is indispensable, for, as Cassian says, “so will all these virtues be neither sturdy nor enduring unless they are drawn firmly together by the crown of prayer…and cannot be effected without it...."

I want to be a certain person, to possess certain virtues, to love faithfully and unconditionally; and the constant struggle I find myself in is between either trying to make my own headway into those very difficult waters or choosing to trust God to form them in me as I devote my entire life to the active, continuous prayer Cassian describes, a prayer that is devotional and transformational. It is a difficult struggle because often the first way yields more immediate, tangible results. Unfortunately, they never last. Virtues formed by prayer, on the other hand, are often slow in coming and hard to see at first; but they are the result of a heart truly and deeply changed by the Spirit of God, and they last forever.

The struggle to persevere in prayer is a struggle of vision. It is the struggle to see past one’s own frailty and inability and to firmly fix one’s gaze on the promise of transformation that prayer holds for those who are faithful. Lord, teach me to pray.

Inheritance

What can wash away my sins?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

What can make me whole again?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh, precious is the flow,

That makes me white as snow

No other fount I know.

Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

What is my inheritance?

"This is my body; broken for you and this is my blood; shed for you."

What is received and what is taken? Or better: who is an heir and who is a thief? Sometimes wolves lay hidden among sheep that run in a flock. They know that the Shepherd will take them where they are going, and when they get there the wolf strikes. In the spirit of inheritance there are only sheep. The wolves are cast out into the darkness for they have taken what was offered as a gift. The truth is one cannot take from the lord or add to him anything. Because we love a God like this, who made everything from nothing, to whom all things are, and from whom all things are - because of this we can only receive. It is impossible for us to take. If we take, we take what is not. This is sin, and sin gives birth to death; and they are the enemies of God. How then do we inherit? What worth must we attain? Is it possible to earn any of what God has made? Apart from him we can do nothing, but this is not loss; for in him we bear much fruit, lasting fruit that sprouts up into eternal life.

We have received the spirit of adoption to be sons and daughters. If we are sons than we have an inheritance. So then, how and when do we receive? If the promise is from God and unassailable by the enemy, why is it not manifest now? I cannot say for certain, not on behalf of every man and woman. However this much is true: Jesus is author and perfector of our faith, he is mighty to save- mighty to save. He died and conquered the grave saving us from the enemy. This is what happened already. The Councilor - the Holy Spirit - leads us into all truth, and this is the present. In the future he will return, and all things will be restored; that which is to come. We are always being saved, from the beginning and until the end. The lamb was even slain from the foundation of the world. The question is now: How long, O Lord, how long? The answer to this is very difficult. No one knows the time set ahead except the father himself. There are signs for every season available to the discernment of the wise, but a season can also pass you by and later come again.

In the Exodus God promised to deliver Israel from slavery and take them to the land promised their ancestors. But when they escaped Egypt they did not enter into the land of milk and honey. They first lived in the dessert for 40 years. They were called to go, but not immediately sent to their destination. Even Abram was led in the same way: "Go to the land that I will show you." not "go to the land of Palestine" or "Go to the land of Egypt" but "Go to the land that I will show you." Get up and go somewhere, and then I'll tell you where you are. Again later with Moses : "I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you; when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain."

Ok, first of all God skips the premise that failure is apart of the equation. Beyond assumption he knows that the people will be delivered. Secondly, his sign that he is with them is the whole thing. The escape and all are a part of his sign. In many ways the journey is as important as the destination. Now here's the question: what if Moses had no faith? Would Israel have been delivered? Surely, for it was God's will, but it might have passed to the next generation just like it did in the desert. At the end of his days Moses and the Israelites were at the cusp of entering into their inheritance, as they always were, but they did not learn the lessons of the desert. They escaped their slavery and left the land of Egypt, forever, but slavery and the land of Egypt had not left them. Many times God showed up and at many times they said it would be better to return to Egypt. God provided manna everyday, enough for that day, but still the Israelites gathered more than they needed. God told Moses to speak to the rock and instead he broke it with his staff. Over and over again they failed to learn this lesson: God provides. They had been freed from slavery, but they were still slaves. They must still learn to be sons and daughters. We enter into the inheritance when we put faith in this reality; God provides. In this way we are proved by God's strength and glory to be his children; knowing and obeying his voice in faith.

When the spies came back to Joshua there were two reports: "We cannot do this." and "We can certainly do this." Both were true. What is impossible with man is made possible with God.

"I am the gate. Who ever enters through me will be saved, he will come in and go out, and find pasture."

The cloud goes ahead of us and is a pillar of smoke by day and a fire by night. Where it sets down we set down. When it gets up, we get up. Even though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death... even in the desert we will follow the voice of our lord.

What can save us?

Nothing but Jesus

What can lead us?

Nothing but Jesus

How will we get there?

He is the way and the truth and the light. Believe and receive the kingdom of God which is at hand.

Branches In Me

Lately, I've been coming to a new understanding of John 15 Josh has been bringing it up a lot, even memorizing it, and so it has come up quite a bit in our conversations.
When I started really listening to Jesus talk about being the vine for us branches, one phrase in particular really caught me off guard. He says, "I am the vine and my father is the Gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while the branches that do bear fruit he prunes back so that they'll be even more fruitful."
I have come to ask myself some questions about this idea of having branches that bear fruit and others that do not. And in my meditation on this idea, I have really come to internalize God cutting off the branches in me that bear no fruit.
There are so many parts of my life that need to be gotten rid of, branches that need to be cut off, gathered up, thrown into the fire and burned. Lust, procrastination, sarcasm, materialism, selfishness, arrogance. The list goes on. (Prejudice, addictions, irrational irritability...) They don't necessarily need to be cut off because they are inherently sinful, but because they are utterly fruitless. Besides the fact that some of those things might separate me from God, there is no point to them. They're simply a waste of time.

I struggled for a little while, wondering if I was taking this passage completely out of context. My background in biblical studies encourages me to stay true to what the verses were originally intended to say to the people they were originally spoken to. But if that were all there is to it, then the whole idea of meditation would be rather unproductive compared to the practice of picking apart Scripture academically or exegetically. Surely there is value in the meditation, as well as in the contextualization. One synonym of "meditate" is "to chew over." Chewing breaks down the food we eat so that we can digest it, absorb its nutrients. Meditation is the process that allows us to apply and internalize, to absorb the nutrients of this Living (as opposed to static) Word.

This internalization has shaped the way I read these words of Jesus here in John 15, but it has even changed the way I read other parts of Scripture. Take Habakkuk 3 for example. Instead of being a pruned branch, we are silver in the raw, full of dirt and imperfections that make us unable to reflect the image of the careful, vigilant Refiner.
Even in the Psalms, I have begun to see the difficult--even vengeful--passages as an affront not to some eminent physical danger, but to my biggest enemies, those who threaten to lay siege to me, my time, my thoughts, my decisions: this dirt and imperfection, these fruitless branches. When the Psalmist cries out against the wicked, asking God to destroy them, I ask God to be merciless to the wickedness inside me. It's just a waste of my time, and there are much better things for me to be doing.

Community of Prayer

Our Community has been marked by prayer from the beginning. We could have come into this ministry with an agenda in mind, or might have set up a whole structure of mission statements in an attempt to plan our work with the Lord. None of these things would have worked. Not really. What has worked and been at the heart of every movement God has made around us and in us is our time spent listening to him. Sometimes talking, but mostly surrendering to listen.

As time passed and ministry partners emerged to join us, it became apparent that a growth in the intimacy of our prayer life was required. Part of this was struggled over on a retreat the four of us had. In addition to deepening our communal prayer practices we decided to lift up some folks in leadership. Three girls specifically came to our hearts: Jessica, Emily and Joanna. In anticipation of the growth of prayer at our house we thought it fitting to remodel the designated prayer room.

With this accomplished we felt it would be easy to create a culture, not only for ourselves but for those who we love and minister with. In short, we have a vision for 24 hour prayer, and that requires a lot of help. We are really excited about the leadership emerging in the girls and the amazing job they did touching up our holy space. Enjoy the pictures! If you would like to join us in our daily prayer we start at 7:00 am and go till 7:45ish. Thank you for lifting us up and taking time to read about the Lord's work in our lives.

They picked really good colors, and placed candles very well. (everywhere)

Its a lot more comfortable in there too. Heaters/ Carpet!

The best part is the new window.

Blessings.

Peace and abundance.

And love, much love

Amen

NOTE: The Allelon prayer room is open 24/7, and you are always welcome to come pray. You don't have to knock or call ahead, just come and meet the LORD in the quiet place. 465 Cockerell Dr.

Dip, Dance & Dessert

This was the name of our party last night. It suddenly occurs to me being ready and being on guard, like Jesus told us, is to celebrate like we mean it: like there's not tomorrow, or maybe tomorrow will be never ending. And this leads me to think, if we're celebrating like Jesus is coming back today, when he comes back we should be found some what ready. At least, thats what I think. At any rate we need to start working up some stamina at the very least, because on that day if you're not dancing I'm not sure you get it. Its a pretty big deal, when he gets here. All creation waits. We wait, but last night we also celebrated like we believed it.

Wes made his famous Pineapple dip.

You can see Wes takes it seriously, not only his dip, but his dancing.

(That's me in the back ground, and ....as you can see...not being serious)

Hats off to you Wes. You dance like its really for Jesus.

In addition to salsa and Pineapple dip my guacamole was prime fuel for energy. Man was it good. You know what I'm talking about mom. It was our friend Katie's recipe. Later on Lizzy came over and she made her Sopapilla Cheese Cake. Mmmmm..... I made Pink Lemonade pie! I dont think we intended to do it this way but the night kind of stands for the lord's faithfulness as well. We felt very called to help with something recently and the lord has really provided for us in abundance. The night was kind of a "pour out the first fruits." Something we ought to try on purpose some time, or more times. As it says: "enter his gates with thanksgiving in your heart" Thankfulness might just be the keys to the kingdom. No offense Peter.

Some of the freshman bible majors were there. They opted for high fiving, I think out of respect for their church background. Something about acapella dancing only or something. There is no condemnation here, let me be clear about that. People are free to express their love for the lord in the way they feel called, and actually I'm being very serious. The scope of age groups and people groups at our house has become a very wide array. This was also evident last night. I cant think of the last time I was hanging out with white college kids from the upper middle class along with a poor black family, their parents included and some people I've never met before. Some times God throws a homeless person in there and bam: the kingdom of God is at hand. Its a stretching time, and a good time-learning how to sit down with the other and being all things to all people for the sake of Christ. Also...I didn't know I liked dancing so much. Go figure.

The lord bless you and keep you. Remember to take some joy this day.

The Power of Love

We’ve known Cecilia for a while now. She comes to our neighborhood for crack, and she comes to our house for food and rest at the end of a binge – or sometimes just a brief respite somewhere in the middle. Our door is always open, so over the course of last semester we got to spend a decent amount of time with Cici. We would welcome her in, offer her some hot tea or a bite to eat, talk for a while, and then give her a ride wherever she needed to go. All this happened, of course, under the well-maintained pretense that she was in our neighborhood visiting a friend, or seeing so-and-so about such-and-such.

One day she asked us for a ride up to United to buy her some cigarettes. She said she would need just about five minutes to talk to a friend about something (panhandle some drug money). We drove her over there and Josh ran inside to buy the menthols. Throughout the evening, Cecilia had been acting a little strange. She seemed very conflicted. She kept hinting that she really wanted to tell us something, but then she would shy away from it.

Cecilia started to get out of the car, but then she stopped and looked back at us with this look that said, “Can I trust you?” There was not really anything that we could have said to help or hinder Cecilia in her internal battle, so we just waited and silently prayed.

“I want to tell you guys,” she said, “but I’m just afraid you’ll look at me differently.”

“Cecilia, we love you. No matter what. We love you.”

“I know you do, but I just don’t know…” she said. She looked at us, then out the window, then back at us.

“Well, we will be happy to wait here for you, Cecilia, but we would really love to talk to you about whatever is on your mind – if you want to.”

“I do want to, Wes, but it’s just hard.”

Silence. Then release.

“You probably already know this, but…”

For the next thirty minutes, Cecilia talked to us about her addiction, about her husband Carl and his addiction, and about how much she really wanted to be free. We just listened and tried to send as much love in her direction as possible. The Spirit of the LORD was with us that night, quieting our souls and preparing us for the relationship He was ready to give us as a gift.

There have been plenty of other times hanging out with Cecilia when I have felt awkward, confused, angry, disappointed, or often impatient; but on this particular evening, God was working things together for good, and I was a just an observer of His redemption. I felt a peace, a confidence in Him, and an overwhelming joy at His goodness. My heart was already broken for Cecilia; months of relationship with her, almost exclusively during her binges, had accomplished that. That night, God gave me hope in the fact that, while we are called to love and to devote all our mental, spiritual, entrepreneurial, and all other resources to that basic and high calling, redemption (in a holistic sense) is ultimately His job in which He graciously allows us to participate.

We never ended up waiting around for Cici to panhandle. Instead she asked us to drive her home so she could introduce us to Carl, one of the meekest and most pure-in-heart men I have ever met.

We are fast friends with Cici and Carl now. We have been over to their place for dinner a few times, and they have been to our place. Carl has all of our phone numbers so that he can call us any time he is tempted to smoke crack. Some old charges caught up with Cici, and she is in jail awaiting trial for parole violations. With God’s grace, she will be admitted to a 9-month prison rehab program, and hopefully Carl will be able to simultaneously get into an in-house recovery program on the outside. Carl has been clean for three weeks now.